After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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