Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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