Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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