I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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