Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize