So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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