I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
