I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
