then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
