Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
