So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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