I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
