ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
