I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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