I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
