Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
