You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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