I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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