I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
