And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
