Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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