Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
