Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
