My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
