Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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