Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
