Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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