she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
