Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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