I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
