I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
