Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
