Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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