So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
