READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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