my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
