One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
