I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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