It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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