He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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