i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize