Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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