my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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