I bet he comes in French.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
