Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
then he tried to convert me to islam
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
