dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
