its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
