new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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