i think my tv is drunk
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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