so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
