there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
