I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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