I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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