3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
