...so i touched it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
