Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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