I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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