i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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