there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
