Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
