Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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