the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
