Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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