yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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