Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize