you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
